What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
