Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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