forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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