I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The Olympian is in my bed
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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