Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
