I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
