help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
