that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
