omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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