you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
