i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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