I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
