Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
