so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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