Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize