he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
