just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
