He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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