It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
