Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
