if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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