After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
