I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
