My room smells like vodka and shame
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Farmville is her only friend.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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