Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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