big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
