i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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