He is such a slut. More and more my type.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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