I think i peed on brittanys purse
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
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