Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
