.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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