Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
