stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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