also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
