We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
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I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
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And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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