Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
