Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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