Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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