Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm at about main and main street
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
