i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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