i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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