what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
