I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
