so that wasnt chicken after all
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
