Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
