nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
