The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Someone signed my nipple.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
