Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
