The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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