does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
