Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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