i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
