they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
