I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just pee around me
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
