Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize