We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And then my night got REAL pukey
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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