Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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