those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
