im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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