Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Too much gin, very little bucket
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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